The 3rd, 4th and 5th Unexpected Surprising Things About Divorce.

The 3rd unexpected surprising thing about divorce is too intimate to put out into the universe, so I shall skip lightly over it to the 4th unexpected surprising thing about divorce; which is that no one is reacting the way I thought they would.

In fact, every last person is reacting exactly the opposite of how I imagined, including myself.

His family, who I imagined would hate me, or at the very least be angry with me, has unconditionally included me in their support. They're kind to me right alongside comforting him. Yes, when they look at me, there are questions in their eyes-but also compassion and care. I'm humbled by their love for me.

I expected my own parents, who are both seasoned veterans of divorce, would have rather a "C'est la vie" reponse to the news. You know, "Ah-you'll get over it and move on". My mother cried and my father got choked up. My mother even offered "help" should I need it. And my mom doesn't give up money without a DAMN.GOOD.REASON. My father quickly asked if I'd be moving back to Indiana. Didn't know he missed me that much!

And then there's he and me. I expected him to be shattered. Yes, he is hurting, but he is far from shattered. Within two hours of the decision, he was already looking to his future. Asking division-of-property type questions. Picturing his life without an "us", and starting to think about shaping his future. I expected myself to be relieved, and to escape unscathed emotionally. But I'm mourning much worse than I thought I would be. Deeply.

I also expected I'd have to beat feet outta here because he'd be emotionally hijacking me and trying to guilt me into staying. Again, not so. I thought it might be too much to hope for that we'd be able to work together to make sure this goes as smoothly as possible, that neither of us would be financially screwed when we're done. But that's exactly how it's turning out. I truly did not expect that. I never even considered the possibility. I take it as a sign from the universe - his not being as devastated as I thought he would be, and totally willing for us to work together - that this must be the right decision.

But it's not like we have anything to fight about, anyway. No children, one good car, one piece of shit car, and three dogs. Oh, and there's that 3 1/2 years left on the Chapter 13 bankruptcy due to my failed attempt at starting a business...and I've already taken ownership of that. That was my bad. So, why NOT be amicable about the whole thing? What's to fight over?

Needless to say, I'm very surprised at how completely I misjudged everyone's reactions, not the least of which being my own.

And the 5th unexpected surprising thing about divorce is a physical reaction I'm having. I am ravenously hungry. Once the initial shocked nausea abated, I've become hungry. My brain perceives a whole in my middle, an empty space, and must be trying to fill it with food. I'm craving milk. (That must mean something sub-consciously, but I'm too tired to try to figure it out.) Milk, and other very wholesome foods. I'm not after chocolate or ice cream, it's strange but I want salad and veggies and rice and chicken. Wholesome, hearty, healthy food.

Good LORD I'm a wack job. I'm sure I'm going to get wackier before I get better.

The Second Unexpected Surprising Thing About Divorce.

We can't stop calling each other "babe" or "hon". When he speaks to me, he automatically calls me "hon", and now he stumbles over it, and then corrects himself. My name in his mouth seems like an seldom-used word from a foreign language. And by foreign, I mean from another planet. I can't recall the last time he used my name.

Even when intoducing me, he'd say "This is my wife", and I'd step up, shake hands and say, "Hi, I'm Connie".

We've agreed he'll call me "homey" for now. I'll compensate by not addressing him at all. Worked for me when I had that evil step-mother. I refused to call her ''Mom", but my upbringing forbade me calling her by her name. So I'd just launch right into what I needed to say. Looking back, I don't think anyone ever even noticed my clever side-stepping of the issue. Likely as not, no one will notice now.

The First Unexpected Surprising Thing About Divorce.

Washing my hands makes me sad, because I used to move my ring and dry the water from underneath it. Now when I wash my hands, I reach for the ring with my thumb to move it over a little bit, and it's not there and my finger feels weird, and then I remember why, and then I re-experience that shock of grief as if for the first time, and I forget to breathe again, and my head starts spinning again. Amazing how the state of marriage seeps into the tiniest, most deeply sub-conscious crevices of one's life.