Still Don't Feel Like a College Student, I Feel Like a Third-grader!

Eeeek. Had my first Math class today. (late start in semester). I'm back in 3rd grade all over again. Just the WORD "division" makes me sweaty, and not in a good way. In my entire adult life, I have NEVER referred to any number as a “quotient”, a “divisor” or a “dividend”. YUUUUUUUUCK!

I clearly remember grade school, when we got to multiplication tables. It was the very first time I wasn’t the star pupil. The first time I ever struggled in school. I remember being so confused and surprised that I couldn’t memorize this stuff! I actually had to go sit in the back of the class by myself until I could memorize it, and I was so embarrassed. I felt very alone, and left behind. I did manage to learn the 1-2-3-4-5’s, those were easy and logical. I also managed to learn the 9’s because of a trick the teacher taught us. The 10-11-12’s were also easy to memorize. But to this day, with a gun to my head, I cannot multiply by 6, 7, or 8 in my head. Complete block. Couldn’t memorize the table, and I can’t visualize the math in my head like I can the others.

But if multiplication was the beginning of my difficulty, division was the absolute end of me. Long division on paper makes me crazy. I try to concentrate, but my mind just slips off of it like bare feet off a slippery river rock. I just cannot grab hold of it. It’s like trying to hold jello that’s not quite set yet. Today’s math homework involved long division, and I was instantly transported back in time to my 10-year-old self. My attention wandering, sitting slumped in my little chair at my little desk in my bedroom. Staring at my Barbie dolls which I’d much rather be playing with, fiddling with my radio, tapping my pencil, just lost. I was right there again. 35 years later. Except now the Barbie dolls are replaced by my dogs, and the radio is Facebook on my computer.

I hate math. Hate it, hate it, hate it, and the bitter irony of my life is that I’m a bookkeeper for a living. Go figure. (pun intended). But I’m aware of my limitations when it comes to math, and at work I triple-check my numbers – with a calculator! Hello?!!?!. Besides, bookkeeping is about “minding the money”, not just adding random numbers for no reason. And I llllove money, so I’m like a dog with a bone and I reconcile the accounts to the penny. But I have computer programs to do the math. I don’t have to do it all in my head!!

See, Mom. I told you so. When I said I’m never going to have to use this stuff after I get out of school, I was right! Gimme a calculator, and I’m your girl. If I gotta do it in my head, I might as well go to the unemployment office right now.